Updated on November 2, 2015
12 Things You DON’T SAY To Transgender Women
1. When did you decide to become a girl? To change your sex?
I NEVER decided to become a girl. We don’t decide to become girls. We just are. Born this way. I did decide to transition though. Because I couldn’t continue living as ‘male’ – as a façade, as a fake.
3. So are you really a woman?
Heck no! I am not answering that question! First of all, one needs to keep in mind that I lived a whole two decades as the gender I wasn’t. And I didn’t know what to do. It was devastating. So why would you want to remind me of a past that I’d rather keep under lock and key at the very back of my mind’s archives?
Yes, I know you know me from before I transitioned. I respect that. But you should must respect me too! I am female. Whether before, during or after. I still remain female. Forget that I lived as ‘male’ and hence was referred to as one. I am female – in this time. So use the proper pronouns even when referring to my past.
Ugh!! First of all, the word tranny/trannies is downright offensive and hateful!! Yes, I know they’ve used it a lot in pop culture, the media and especially so in PORN. But don’t you DARE call me a tranny or refer to my trans family as ‘trannies’!
Aaaw! Thank you! But you know what? This really just says to me that you don’t view me as actually female. You just see me as trying to be something I’m not, and doing it well. Some transfolk take this ‘passing’ thing as a very important thing. For us, passing validates us. It makes us feel like everyone else. And it also assures us that we won’t get any discrimination based on our gender presentation – a thing we fear. But for you to say that to us, well, it isn’t right.
The only way I’d answer this is if we’ve been dating and we’ve gotten to that point where intimacy is being discussed. Otherwise I ain’t telling you nuthin! Go watch a porno and learn the various sex styles out there!
You’d only say this to me if deep inside you really don’t like me and/or don’t respect my gender. Really. That’s just hateful.
Hell no! Being gay has got ZERO to do with being a transwoman. Do (cis)gay people transition? Do they have memories of them crying in bed begging God to choose for them a side between male or female? Do they look at their genitals and wish it would just disappear?